Put On Your "Fuck It Up Panties" And Handle It!

Like many people, I suffer from bouts of low self-esteem. There are days when I do not want to get out of bed and generally, I feel worthless. Now that I am in my thirties, I can afford to go to therapy and work through my issues with confidence. Although, before I could afford therapy, I had to find other methods of building my confidence. In my mid-twenties, I bought a pair of plum purple lace cheeky bottom “fuck it up panties” as I called them. They were one of the most important items in my possession and one of the most expensive items in my wardrobe. I remember the day I bought them, I was in the pre-break-up phase of my marriage, my work life was exhausting, and my finances were a mess. One evening after work I went to the mall alone and wandered into a lingerie store. I was gazing at all the beautiful items outside of my price range while dodging the sales associates who were eagerly looking to secure a commission. A woman approached me and asked if I was okay. I thought she worked at the store until I laid eyes on all the merchandise folded over her arm. I explained that I felt overloaded with stress and was looking for a pick me up. We chatted for a bit until I saw the plum purple lacy material. I ran my hand across the luxurious fabric and commented on how gorgeous it was. She agreed and grabbed a pair in her size. I could not believe she swiped my panties; I knew I could not afford them but, in my mind, they were mine. I must have had a look of envy on my face because what she said next shook me. She told me to look at everything in life like an accessory, it should add to my life but not take away from it. She smiled and said “if you love them so much get them and pay for them later. Sometimes, a little splurge what we need to get through the day.” After that, she walked away. I grabbed the panties and headed to the register. They were expensive and worth every penny. As soon as I got home I tried them on, and they made my ass look amazing. More importantly, I felt beautiful. I decided to only wear them on days when I needed an extra boost. I wore them the day I went to file for divorce, I wore them one night when I went out to blow off some steam after finding out my mom was sick, and I wore them on days when I had presentations at work. They were my secret weapon that only I knew about. Clearly, I could not keep the panties forever so as time passed, I found other ways to give myself a boost. A pair of heels, a fresh manicure, lingerie, and my most recent discovery, a bright red lip. It takes time to build confidence back after you have lost it. Until you get to a place where you feel strong and love who you are it is okay to use other methods to help you get through the day. This goes for both men and women. Men, so many of you have lucky socks or boxers, or a watch that you wear when you want to feel a certain way. It is the same concept as my “fuck it up panties.” Sometimes you need a little something to help you shine brighter so that you can be a version of your best self and get to the next day.

When I am feeling a little low, I put on my favorite heel to stand a little taller.

- Dolly Parton